Jokes for the Lads

Hey Sue, what do you say to a nice walk?

Oh Harry, that would be lovely!

Wonderful. Could you bring me some beer and cigarettes on your way back?


Do not go to the bathroom in a dream. It’s a trap!


A woman caught her husband on the weight scale, sucking in his stomach.

“That won’t help you, Joe, you know?”

“Oh it helps a lot,” says the man, “it’s the only way I can see the numbers!”


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Jokes for the Lads

  • When your past comes knocking, change the locks. It has nothing new to tell you
  • Whatever you do, always give 100%. Unless you are donating blood.
  • Make criminals pay, study to become a lawyer.
  • Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear quite bright – until you hear them talk.
  • Little Johnny complains to mom at home, “Mom, our teacher really doesn’t know anything. He keeps asking us!”

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What’s the difference between a man and a condom?

Q: What’s the difference between a man and a condom? A: Condoms have changed. They’re no longer thick and insensitive!


Q: What’s the most common sleeping position of a man? A: Around.


Q: Three words to ruin a man’s ego… A: “Is it in?”


Q: Why do only 10 percent of men make it to heaven? A: Because if they all went, it would be called hell


Q: What do you give a man with everything? A: Penicillin

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